Perhaps your struggle was with one parent, perhaps with both. But whatever was wrong or missing or painful in the past is what you are trying to make turn out right in the present. Jill, like the man in the story, was searching for what was missing in her life, not where there was some hope of finding it, but where, because she was a woman who loved too much, it was easiest for her to look. Norwood repeatedly draws parallels between addiction to (toxic) men and relationships and the addiction to drugs. Relationships free of pain and anxiety also seem less exciting for women who love too much. The good sex could then be used as a way of validating the relationship and sticking together in spite of the toxicity.She can point at sex and think “look how great we fit and make each other feel, we belong together in spite of all the pain”.
You have a desperate need to control your men and your relationships, having experienced little security in childhood. You mask your efforts to control people and situations as “being helpful.” If our parents cannot find us worthy of their love and attention, how can we believe that we really are fine, good people? Very few women who love too much have a conviction, at the core of their being, that they deserve to love and be loved simply because they exist.
There is an old joke about a nearsighted man who has lost his keys late at night and is looking for them by the light of a street lamp. Another person comes along and offers to help him look but asks him, “Are you sure this is where you lost them?” He answers, “No, but this is where the light is.” “I never did, though. That’s probably why I went into law. I just love the idea of arguing a case and winning!” She flashed a wide smile at the thought and then sobered again. You may have a tendency toward episodes of depression, which you try to forestall through the excitement provided by an unstable relationship.
If being in love means being in pain, you need to read Women Who Love Too Much. Sadly, “Women Who Love Too Much” only addresses women, but I believe that many men will also equally benefit from this book. “Women Who Love Too Much” is an eye-opening book and, potentially, a life-changing book.
In an effort to win the man’s love, you keep moving your boundaries, if you had any to begin with. You make excuses for poor behavior and take up with an addict, for instance, even though you said you never would. Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood took the world by storm in 1985. It told countless stories of women who stood by men whose love fell far out of reach. Women Who Love Too Much is a self-help book by licensed marriage and family therapist Robin Norwood published in 1985.
Once upon a time, there was a woman who loved too much. She poured all of her energy and affection into those around her, often neglecting her own needs in the process. She would go above and beyond to make others happy, sacrificing her own well-being in the process. This pattern of behavior led to her feeling drained and unfulfilled, despite all of the love she gave out.
We are drawn to those who are needy, compassionately identifying with their pain and seeking to relieve it in order to ameliorate our own. That the men who attract us most strongly are those who appear to be needy makes sense if we understand that it is our own wish to be loved and helped that is at the root of the attraction. Jill’s attitudes, feelings, behavior, and life experiences were typical of a woman for whom being in love means being in pain.
The Impact of Loving Too Much
Loving too much can have detrimental effects on both mental and physical health. The constant need to please others can lead to feelings of anxiety and stress. The woman who loved too much found herself constantly worried about others’ happiness, to the point where she neglected her own self-care. This resulted in fatigue, burnout, and a sense of emptiness.
Finding Balance
It is important for individuals who love too much to find a balance between caring for others and caring for themselves. Setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care are crucial in maintaining emotional and physical well-being. The woman who loved too much eventually learned to put herself first at times, allowing her to recharge and show up more authentically for others.
While loving others deeply is a beautiful quality, it is essential to remember to also love oneself. The woman who loved too much discovered that by finding this balance, she was able to cultivate healthier relationships and live a more fulfilling life.
