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Love is one of the most complex and enduring emotions that humans experience. It can bring us immense joy and fulfillment, but it can also lead to heartbreak and pain. In his book “Can Love Last?“, author Stephen A. Mitchell delves into the nature of love and relationships, exploring whether love can truly last a lifetime.
Common wisdom has it that love is fragile, but leading psychoanalyst Stephen A. Mitchell argues that romance doesn’t actually diminish in long-term relationships—it becomes increasingly dangerous. What we regard as the transience of love is really risk management. Mitchell shows that love can endure, if only we become aware of our self-destructive efforts to protect ourselves from its risks. When New York University professor and popular psychoanalysis theorist Mitchell died in December 2000, he left behind a robust body of work that made Freudian theories accessible to all.
It’s not surprising, then, that this postmortem work should have broad appeal. A combination of clinical case studies, psychoanalytical thought and practical advice, Mitchell’s riff on the fragility and necessity of romantic love is written with warmth and intelligence. He manages to simplify some of Freud’s most complex theories and give them new significance for those who wonder why love is often a battlefield. Real-life examples, taken from his practice, are an invaluable addition. In his conclusion, Mitchell writes like a loving father penning a wedding day message to his child, gently advising that romance isn’t about “a labored struggle to contrive novelty,” but instead about tolerance and understanding.
Theories on Love and Attachment
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Mitchell explores various theories on love and attachment, including Freud’s theories on object relations and Bowlby’s attachment theory. He discusses how our early childhood experiences shape our ability to form lasting and meaningful relationships as adults. By examining these theories, Mitchell offers insight into why some relationships stand the test of time while others falter.
You can read this eBook on any device that supports DRM-free EPUB or DRM-free PDF format. After you’ve bought this ebook, you can choose to download either the PDF version or the ePub, or both. Stephen A. Mitchell died in 2000 at the pinnacle of his career as a theorist and clinician.
It’s common advice, but given the rest of the work’s depth, humor and rigor, these familiar words take on new, and much welcomed, meaning. This rather dry academic treatise on romantic love was written by a well-regarded clinician and supervising analyst at the William Alanson White Institute. Mitchell, who died in 2000, was the author of several books including Freud and Beyond, which he wrote with his wife Margaret Black. Popular culture would have us believe that the combination of romance and true lasting love is an oxymoron. Mitchell examines the tension between the ideas of love and romance, and shows how sexuality, illusion, aggression, guilt, control, and commitment interact to contribute to this tension.
The Role of Communication and Connection
He also describes the different risks involved in both stable and new love. While drawing heavily on Freud, he examines romance and love from many different psychoanalytic viewpoints. Cases from his practice are described to illustrate his discussion.
One of the key themes in “Can Love Last?” is the importance of communication and connection in sustaining love. Mitchell argues that successful relationships are built on a foundation of honesty, vulnerability, and emotional intimacy. By fostering open and honest communication, couples can deepen their connection and strengthen their bond over time.
- How does childhood experiences influence adult relationships?
- What role does communication play in sustaining love?
- Are there practical strategies for maintaining a long-lasting relationship?
Practical Tips for Lasting Love
In addition to exploring psychological theories on love, “Can Love Last?” offers practical tips for maintaining a lasting and fulfilling relationship. From setting boundaries to practicing self-care, Mitchell provides readers with actionable advice for nurturing their relationships and keeping the flames of love alive.
Overall, “Can Love Last?” is a thought-provoking and insightful read for anyone interested in deepening their understanding of love and relationships. Whether you’re in a long-term partnership or seeking to cultivate a new romance, this book offers valuable lessons on how to make love last.
